Dealing with a new personal career decision: by means of Option Solving!

Most parents find themselves caught up in their off-springs’ career decisions sooner or later. If we’re not careful Mom and Dad can find themselves in the middle of an emotional, no-win storm. This is where option solving can be most valuable because it encourages participation without any judgments, since, in the end, the decision should be up to the family member to make the final determin-ation not other family members. So just imagine yourself tied up with a son who has to figure out some short-term options on his career.

Since he’s already aware of the option solving technique, it is possible to frame an early question along these lines: “What is my best alternative for pursuing another career option via an interview right now, considering relocation back to Florida, there’s a limited time window to prepare, I wasn’t really prepared for this shift right now, and the need for a new “home” option with a dog?” These were around 50% of the discussed considerations, although these represent the ones chosen by the son.

With these in place, he had to come-up with two Yin and Yang “bookends” for framing other potential options and for sparking a range of more workable options. You will see them in our latest example as: “Go by bus or train,” at one end, while at the other end, “Pursue another career.” These were both highly unlikely, for the reasons given in our latest example. However, it gave him a useful starting point to produce other meaningful options.

It turned out to be six interesting options – see our Latest Example. The technique works best when you come up with a minimum of five options, so six was an extra bonus. One possibility turned out to be: “Relocate now. Take everything now and find a new home when there”…option B. Take a look at his other five options in our Latest Example. Maybe you can choose your option, but not before some emotional distancing, see below?

So he was entertained elsewhere as a form of emotional distancing before being invited to make his choice. In fact, in his case, he took a good afternoon nap before looking at his option solving picture again. Although he made a choice, he wanted to think more about his options within that option, so we moved onto peeling the onion. We will take a look at that in our next blog in two weeks. Already he was feeling much better, since he was guiding his own ship rather than relying on helicopter parents or other family members.

If you have an example of your own, please share it with this blogger, through the COMMENTS area.
Thanks Option Solving. (NOTE: Next posting in 2 weeks: “Peeling the Onion: Dealing with a new personal career decision?’” We’re always interested in your COMMENTS or go to peter @ileadershipsolutions.com to connect with the blogger.)

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Dealing with verbal abuse by a live-in aid to elderly relative: by means of Option Solving!

Countless families have had to deal with verbal abuse with elderly relatives. In this case, an aunt well into her eighties, has a live-in couple – rent free – to keep an eye on her, plus a daily care worker because the “live-ins” leave for work every day. However, there have been occasions when the “daily carer’ has witnessed strong verbal abuse upon the aunt from the female “live-in.” The live-ins have been around for many years, so the elderly aunt wishes to turn a blind-eye to the incidences. She instructs the daily care not to say anything to anyone, which puts the daily carer on the spot to share her observations without losing her job.

As a proponent of option solving, this left it open for me to consider our options with an opening question like: “What is our best option for resolving a verbal abuse situation by a live-in aid on an elderly relative, considering the elderly relative might fire the daily carer for reporting the abuse, there is a long history between the live-in aid and elderly relative, the live-in abuser attacks the daily carer for making the reports, the elderly relative doesn’t wish to do anything about it?” There were other considerations, but these were the most crucial ones.

Now I had these set up, I had to find two Ying and Yang “bookends;” to frame other more plausible options and to stimulate my most creative possibilities. In the latest example, I show them as: “Let sleeping dogs lie,” at one end, while at the other end, “Move the live-in abuser out.” Both were pretty much impracticable, for the reasons given in our latest example. However, they did help me become more open-minded.

I then figured out six other options – see our Latest Example. I usually encourage people to aim for at least five, so six was a bonus. One of these possibilities is: “Ask daily carer to wear a recording device”…option D. You can review my other five options in my Latest Example. What option would you choose in the circumstances?

If you don’t mind, after some due emotional distancing I made my choice, which I’ll keep to myself so I don’t encourage second-guessing. No one can precisely put themselves into my comfort-shoes.

If you have an example of your own, please share it with this blogger, through the COMMENTS area.
Thanks Option Solving. (NOTE: Next posting in 2 weeks: “Dealing with a new family career decision?’” We’re always interested in your COMMENTS or go to peter @ileadershipsolutions.com to connect with the blogger.)