Dealing with verbal abuse by a live-in aid to elderly relative: by means of Option Solving!

Countless families have had to deal with verbal abuse with elderly relatives. In this case, an aunt well into her eighties, has a live-in couple – rent free – to keep an eye on her, plus a daily care worker because the “live-ins” leave for work every day. However, there have been occasions when the “daily carer’ has witnessed strong verbal abuse upon the aunt from the female “live-in.” The live-ins have been around for many years, so the elderly aunt wishes to turn a blind-eye to the incidences. She instructs the daily care not to say anything to anyone, which puts the daily carer on the spot to share her observations without losing her job.

As a proponent of option solving, this left it open for me to consider our options with an opening question like: “What is our best option for resolving a verbal abuse situation by a live-in aid on an elderly relative, considering the elderly relative might fire the daily carer for reporting the abuse, there is a long history between the live-in aid and elderly relative, the live-in abuser attacks the daily carer for making the reports, the elderly relative doesn’t wish to do anything about it?” There were other considerations, but these were the most crucial ones.

Now I had these set up, I had to find two Ying and Yang “bookends;” to frame other more plausible options and to stimulate my most creative possibilities. In the latest example, I show them as: “Let sleeping dogs lie,” at one end, while at the other end, “Move the live-in abuser out.” Both were pretty much impracticable, for the reasons given in our latest example. However, they did help me become more open-minded.

I then figured out six other options – see our Latest Example. I usually encourage people to aim for at least five, so six was a bonus. One of these possibilities is: “Ask daily carer to wear a recording device”…option D. You can review my other five options in my Latest Example. What option would you choose in the circumstances?

If you don’t mind, after some due emotional distancing I made my choice, which I’ll keep to myself so I don’t encourage second-guessing. No one can precisely put themselves into my comfort-shoes.

If you have an example of your own, please share it with this blogger, through the COMMENTS area.
Thanks Option Solving. (NOTE: Next posting in 2 weeks: “Dealing with a new family career decision?’” We’re always interested in your COMMENTS or go to peter to connect with the blogger.)


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